everything in one place

I decided to write all my thoughts and put everything else from my life on one page and that is my tumblr. 


moment of silence for all those who feel lost.


I'm almost done with my second year of studies and yet again I feel like I have absolutely no idea what am I doing with my precious little life. Welcome to my world of constant worrying, existential crisis, insomnia and chaotic mind; What have I learnt during these two years? How can I use this knowledge in the future? Is this what I want to do? Am I good enough? 

All of this is floating over my head like a big dark cloud of anxiety because I feel like the people around me are doing great and definitely better than me. All of these super positive, good-vibes-only, fake-ass people on social media have such a bad impact because they only show themselves in the best light. No wonder our generation is (sometimes) so lost when you have all this bullshit around you 24/7. At this point of life, I just unfollow all the people that I don't get any value or aesthetic pleasure from and it's almost like this big pile of worries is removed from my mind. Well not really. It also takes a lot of effort to stop comparing yourself to others, focusing on your own goals and don't take anything anyone else says personally. Basically, the recipe to stop feeling like you have no direction is to let go of everything and do what feels best for you and only you.

Because even the most "I'm always happy" insta-girl is feeling this way and there is nothing wrong with it. We are just humans and we are not designed to be flawless and perfect. If all of these emotions and pressure from the outside creeps in my mind I just go offline, read some good book, learn a challenging yoga pose, drink some good tea, meditate or just take a nap- the best solution for all problems. So yeah, let's just say fuck it because everyone is good enough.


my fears.

It's no news that there is quite a lot of illness going on in my family. Fortunately, I was usually too young to notice the seriousness of different diseases my family members had to fight with but it was always something that gave me a lot of anxiety. All of it started back in 1999 when my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer and the following years were full of other shitty things that I don't even want to think about.

The thing is that when you're young, you don't think about death. You don't think about the future without your grandparents nor your parents and nothing can't prepare you for it. But when my amazing grandfather got sick in 2012, suddenly it became something that just ate me from inside, that made me stressed out and anxious. And I think that's when it all started; my fear of hospitals, diagnosis, and illnesses. You could say that I developed some sort of hypochondria. But it didn't end there. The lung cancer of my grandfather seemed to be going away and we were all very positive that he might have won this battle through chemotherapy. This was in the summer of 2013 and we eventually decided to go on a family trip to a place where my grandfather spent his childhood. It was as if he was just going there to see it one last time, he had all this energy all of sudden... but then it all went to hell. The next month he stopped feeling his legs and spent the last 3 months of his life in his bed, being unable to walk. Cancer spread to his brain.

I know it's shitty and depressing to read about such things. But this was where a lot of my mental health problems began. In February 2014 he passed away. It was just another Sunday. Me and my mum went to the mall in the afternoon and when we were arriving at my grandmother's house, only the small ambulance was parked in the driveway.  This is when I realised that it was over. We met my grandma in the hall, she said that he passed away when he was taking his afternoon nap. I remember locking myself in the toilet and crying my heart out for hours. Since then, there was always something broken inside of me.

And then, year after, I was told by my gynaecologist that there are some changes on my cervix and that it could be something bad. What she also told me that day I will never forget: "I had a patient who was 25, we found out too late that there is something wrong and she passed away within 6 months." I instantly got the biggest anxiety attack of my life. Am I going to die as well? That's what I kept thinking for days and days. And because of that, I have the biggest fear of hospitals. I hate getting check-ups or tests. I am just afraid that there will be something wrong with me as well.

Why am I writing all of this though? Why am I writing this now? I met my father today on my way home from the train station. Out of sudden, he asked me if I knew what happened to my other grandpa. I had no idea of course. Because my family knows about my fears, they just kept it a secret from me. And then he told me. My grandpa, who has been in the hospital for few days since Easter has been tested because of the low count of white blood cells. And he has been diagnosed with leukaemia. And I'm just sitting here, crying again because I just don't understand why does this happen around me. Shit.



I've got my pms.

You know those days when you just feel like a total mess for no reason? That happened today and I had no idea what the hell is going on. I was wondering if I'm just stressed out because of an upcoming exam, worried because I feel like my time in Prague is slowly getting shorter and shorter or just because I spent a nice evening with my two closest friends but felt like we have nothing in common lately.

Maybe I am feeling like this because of all these things mentioned above but when I was lying in the bathtub, desperately trying to relax my body and mind, I checked my Clue App calendar and there it was; today is the day of my pms. Aka the day when my body is trying to remind me to get ready for a weekend spent in bed with a hot water bottle on my aching belly and a ton of food around me. 

Coping with all of these hormonal changes we are going through, mood swings, periods... That makes us girls really incredible. And now, I just want to curl up in a ball and finally finish reading Kafka on the Shore, fall asleep and try to get over this low point of this month.

Have a good one!



my long and (almost) never-ending journey towards self-love

Disclaimer: This article consists mainly of my own shower thoughts, things which life threw at me and many opinions which some people might find not interesting at all.

It is only right to start in the beginning and that is when I was born to a young couple one autumn day of 1995. My parents started dating when they were 17 (yeah, definitely not going to marry my boyfriend from when I was 17), got married at 22 (another thing I will definitely not accomplish this year) and had me- the most amazing person on this planet at 24. I was an only child back then and I might say- I really enjoyed it. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that my need to get all the attention has not changed even when my brother was born; the sudden sharing of everything I ever received with him was a pain in the ass and caused many scenes. And since then... I have a reputation of a selfish individual. 

But that's not really what I want to talk about today. Selfishness might be a bad thing and I might struggle with it to this day (guilty as pleased) but one thing I had the biggest problem with is the other side of "selfishness" which is the need for attention from others. When you're the first child, you suddenly realize that the parents somehow prefer the younger one more and you are the one who is the reason behind all the cries and broken toys. And that is what might have started all this struggle; me being shy to share my problems with others, cultivating all the bad stuff inside of me, feeling like nobody cares, feeling that all you do is wrong... The list goes on and on. And this issue is what I took with me throughout the rest of my childhood, my teenage years when I was feeling the most vulnerable ...even until now. So how do I fight it? What should one do to find the path towards self-love? 

As Rupaul says: If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? And that is the one thing I struggled with during the course of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend; not being able to love someone fully because you don't love yourself enough. Maybe that is why I feel like I am still not ready for a relationship and this realization was one of the reasons why I ended the relationship I had for almost two years this January.

It is a time when Tereza gets her shit together and starts with herself. Embraces the "selfishness" and listens to her gut. So I'm doing it! I'm finally able to talk to people openly about my problems. Having the "big talk" instead of small talk is the one way to go. If we start talking to people openly about what is on our mind, discuss problems or things that worry us, we are able to become much closer than if we maintained the casual how-is-the-weather-today-talk. Being able to open up to my friends about my problems is honestly helping me a lot because when someone listens to you, it feels 100 times better than eating yourself up with bad thoughts.

I'm only in the real beginning but believe me, I feel so much better when I can just focus on myself. Being able to unwind with yoga, meditation, a good cup of green tea, cuddles with my cat or finishing a really good book. Self-love is a whole big thing and everyone can think of it differently. The important thing is, that you feel it and that it makes you feel good!



being an Eastern European in Denmark

First of all, the fact that I call myself an Eastern European is kind of offensive to all the Czechs out there and I get it- technically we are in the heart of Europe, but over time there's actually nothing bad about embracing the eastern spirit a bit. So what, if we complain a lot, drink too much beer, escape to our chalupa's during the weekend, lack any sense of fashion and wear socks in sandals. (I had to google all the stereotypes about Czechs just in case I forgot some of our amazing habits).

This article won't be full of complaints about my life here, don't worry. Although I have shitty days and experiences, I am still very glad about that random decision I made two years ago; the decision to move to a country which I never visited before and study abroad. I want to write something a bit useful this time; a tiny survival guide, based on my experiences which hopefully might make your life here or anywhere in the "rich West" easier. Some tips might be obvious, so be patient or skip to the others ;).

1/ before coming, make sure you have savings/financial support
-this is an obvious one but very crucial especially for us, poor people from the "East"
-I personally never found a job here due to my laziness and lack of language skills (nope, Danish is too boring for me, sorry) and I depend on the financial resources from my parents and grandparents
-of course, it sucks if you don't have a job and if you can find it, good for you! You can most probably get SU (financial support for students) from the Danish Government if you work around 40 hours per month (if you're Danish, you get that "automatically")
-don't forget! Denmark is REALLY expensive so this step is a must if you decide to move here

2/ live in a dorm or find roommates to save $$$ on rent
-living alone sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Because sharing a place with filthy human beings who can't even wash dishes after themselves sucks.
-but if you're willing to make sacrifices in order to save some money on rent, this is definitely a way to go
-I live in a dorm and I might be able to write a book one day about all the struggles I came across with while I was living here (the mess, the annoying dormmates, the food thieves and so on) but it is cheap (not so cheap in the Czech terms)
-if you don't have such option, look for roommates- join facebook groups where people look for people to share their apartments with and just wait if you get lucky

3/ food
-food is something that you can save a lot of money on especially if you're willing to get your hands (and clothes) a little dirty in the process
-I previously wrote an article about my experiences with dumpster diving and I can't imagine living without it- it became a hobby and something I enjoy doing
-if you want to try it, do a bit of research, look around the stores in your area and check their bins after opening hours. If they don't lock them, you might get lucky
-the more obvious point is to buy store brand food (Lidl, Rema, Fakta, Netto, Kiwi) and buy items on sale which usually have yellow stickers on them (Stop Madspild "movement")
-to get some extra cash, return all bottles and cans with flaskepant sign on them (gypsy tip: sometimes you can find these bottles on the street and get money for free)
-avoid buying bottled drinks (they are crazy expensive); invest in a good quality water bottle (ex. Retap) and drink tap water instead 

4/ must-haves
-bike: it will become your best friend, save your money, keep you fit and annoy you at the same time
-bike lights: you can easily get a fine and it's definitely not worth it
-raincoat: forget umbrellas! Good quality raincoat (ex. Rains) is a way to protect yourself during rainy and windy Danish days
-all black outfits: want to fit in? forget colors.
-activities that will help you overcome depression: this is crucial, trust me! Go to the gym, do yoga, read, attend parties if you're into it, join clubs at your school, learn new things... there are endless opportunities
-water bottle, spare canvas bags, good sneakers, backpack (Fjällräven to be stereotypical)
-an endless supply of chocolate (for the bad days)

5/ useful links
www.rødbillet.dk for cheap bus tickets
www.gomore.dk for ride sharing
www.etilbudsavis.dk for all the store magazines and finding amazing deals ;)

I probably forgot to mention a lot of things and I might as well write a better article one day but hopefully, this has been a little helpful for anyone who plans to come here or is looking for some tips.

Have a good one.



bad tinder date

I never thought I would have to write such article. I mean, how could that happen to me right? It only happens when you walk alone on the streets at night, when you're passed out at a party, unable to say no and it's always done by a stranger. Well, guess what? It isn't and we all should acknowledge that. If you expect a funny anecdote about a tinder date gone wrong, I also wish that it was just that.

When I started using Tinder back in 2014 in Berlin because I was looking for people to show me around I was not really sure what it all meant. Matching with people based on few pictures, short bio and preferably the distance... what could be wrong with that right? But if you're a girl on tinder, you know what it includes; creepy dudes who don't even say hi and immediately after you match with them they ask for sex (yes tinder is MOSTLY for sex, but come on, do you also just walk on the street and randomly ask strangers to fuck with them? I don't think so), creepy dudes who don't seem creepy at first but when they get your number/snapchat you receive unsolicited dick pics and when you're lucky, few normal guys who will at least invite you for a coffee or drink before they actually try something. The list of types of people on tinder could go on and on. Sometimes I actually have a need to sort guys into groups based on their profile pictures, but that's an article for another day.

After parting our ways with my ex-boyfriend (whom I met on tinder, what a surprise, right?), the loneliness came and so my decision to try tinder once again, just to see what is happening around me. Using Tinder in Denmark is a totally different experience compared to Prague. I mean, just the fact that Prague is full of tourists from different countries, you really get to meet a lot of interesting people. On the contrary, living in a small town in the middle of nowhere here in DK is quite different. Either it's guys whom you've already seen around or they are some farmers with a picture from a slaughterhouse (not a way how to win vegan's heart). So when I matched with one good-looking guy few days back, who lived just few kilometers away I was like: YES, maybe I'm lucky.

This is where this story goes a little wrong. And I want to write about it just because it could happen to you, your friend, your sister. Especially with Valentine's day coming up and the urgent need to look for a date for that so not important day of the year.

Since I'm a big Wes Anderson's fan, I thought it would be a good idea to put it in my bio: "I'm looking for someone to watch Wes Anderson's movies with and cuddle." I KNOW, lame as fuck. But it actually started few interesting conversations so I let it be. And then we're getting back to the famous match. We started talking based on that and it was all going quite well. We seemed to have shared interests and I was pretty excited about getting to know him more. After few messages, we decided to meet and watch one movie on a Friday evening. This is when I was still pretty sure that everything will turn out fine. I mean who wouldn't enjoy a low-key evening like that.

Moving on to Friday. We still talked on tinder before we met, both excited about seeing each other. But then we met and I already felt a little wrong. First of all, the ambiance was kind of strange between us, he seemed drunk and he was making me really uncomfortable. Stupid me, I thought that it's just because we are "strangers" and it's just awkward because of that. This is when I should have just gotten my bike and go home. This was the moment and I just didn't do it.

It did not end up okay for me. I have bruises and teeth marks all over my chest. I feel much more vulnerable than ever before because he forced me to do things I didn't want to do that evening. I ended up being kicked out from his apartment and realizing what had just happened. I spent the whole weekend in my bed because I just couldn't do anything else. And now I'm here, telling my story because it is important to share it.

Thinking back, I know I made mistakes that evening. Many mistakes and it was another life lesson for me. But why should I blame myself for that? Why should I blame myself because of the fact that someone doesn't know that rape or any action without consent is absolutely wrong? I am grateful that it didn't end up in a worse way. I am grateful that I was able to get home, wash the tears and shame away. But it could have been worse. And I'm aware of that.

So no. It doesn't have to be just a random person on the street, it doesn't have to be the creepy dude and I wasn't unconscious at a party. I just trusted that "nice guy" from tinder.

Stay safe.