2/12/2017

bad tinder date

I never thought I would have to write such article. I mean, how could that happen to me right? It only happens when you walk alone on the streets at night, when you're passed out at a party, unable to say no and it's always done by a stranger. Well, guess what? It isn't and we all should acknowledge that. If you expect a funny anecdote about a tinder date gone wrong, I also wish that it was just that.

When I started using Tinder back in 2014 in Berlin because I was looking for people to show me around I was not really sure what it all meant. Matching with people based on few pictures, short bio and preferably the distance... what could be wrong with that right? But if you're a girl on tinder, you know what it includes; creepy dudes who don't even say hi and immediately after you match with them they ask for sex (yes tinder is MOSTLY for sex, but come on, do you also just walk on the street and randomly ask strangers to fuck with them? I don't think so), creepy dudes who don't seem creepy at first but when they get your number/snapchat you receive unsolicited dick pics and when you're lucky, few normal guys who will at least invite you for a coffee or drink before they actually try something. The list of types of people on tinder could go on and on. Sometimes I actually have a need to sort guys into groups based on their profile pictures, but that's an article for another day.

After parting our ways with my ex-boyfriend (whom I met on tinder, what a surprise, right?), the loneliness came and so my decision to try tinder once again, just to see what is happening around me. Using Tinder in Denmark is a totally different experience compared to Prague. I mean, just the fact that Prague is full of tourists from different countries, you really get to meet a lot of interesting people. On the contrary, living in a small town in the middle of nowhere here in DK is quite different. Either it's guys whom you've already seen around or they are some farmers with a picture from a slaughterhouse (not a way how to win vegan's heart). So when I matched with one good-looking guy few days back, who lived just few kilometers away I was like: YES, maybe I'm lucky.

This is where this story goes a little wrong. And I want to write about it just because it could happen to you, your friend, your sister. Especially with Valentine's day coming up and the urgent need to look for a date for that so not important day of the year.

Since I'm a big Wes Anderson's fan, I thought it would be a good idea to put it in my bio: "I'm looking for someone to watch Wes Anderson's movies with and cuddle." I KNOW, lame as fuck. But it actually started few interesting conversations so I let it be. And then we're getting back to the famous match. We started talking based on that and it was all going quite well. We seemed to have shared interests and I was pretty excited about getting to know him more. After few messages, we decided to meet and watch one movie on a Friday evening. This is when I was still pretty sure that everything will turn out fine. I mean who wouldn't enjoy a low-key evening like that.

Moving on to Friday. We still talked on tinder before we met, both excited about seeing each other. But then we met and I already felt a little wrong. First of all, the ambiance was kind of strange between us, he seemed drunk and he was making me really uncomfortable. Stupid me, I thought that it's just because we are "strangers" and it's just awkward because of that. This is when I should have just gotten my bike and go home. This was the moment and I just didn't do it.

It did not end up okay for me. I have bruises and teeth marks all over my chest. I feel much more vulnerable than ever before because he forced me to do things I didn't want to do that evening. I ended up being kicked out from his apartment and realizing what had just happened. I spent the whole weekend in my bed because I just couldn't do anything else. And now I'm here, telling my story because it is important to share it.

Thinking back, I know I made mistakes that evening. Many mistakes and it was another life lesson for me. But why should I blame myself for that? Why should I blame myself because of the fact that someone doesn't know that rape or any action without consent is absolutely wrong? I am grateful that it didn't end up in a worse way. I am grateful that I was able to get home, wash the tears and shame away. But it could have been worse. And I'm aware of that.

So no. It doesn't have to be just a random person on the street, it doesn't have to be the creepy dude and I wasn't unconscious at a party. I just trusted that "nice guy" from tinder.

Stay safe.

T.

1 comment:

Michaela Procházková said...

o m g to je hrozný!!! doufám, že už si aspoň trochu v pořádku! člověk by něco takovýho neřek do Dána...